dec 2010

suddenly have the urge to blog, mayb coz i have spare time on my hand lol.
its the end of 2010 already! look how fast time flies, look where we brought ourselves to, would you have predicted where you are at now? i didnt, never would!
overview of my episode in 2010, hmm~ looking back really makes me depressed at the same time glad i've gone past the dramas. start of the year was horrible enough to even made me think of suicide, literally but clearly im still here~ lol gotten through that stage, and took a leap of faith into something i know nothing of.. failed once, and made another mistake by jumping into conclusion which hurt a few ppl including myself. catch up with an old friend, lost an old friend and gained a few new friends. the past was just one messed up / confusing and complicated episode, all composed by my own doings sadly, but i admit it, not that im proud of it though. but i do learn from them, and trying to find a way to not repeat it. i dont regret any step i've made in the past, although it wasnt the best or right choice.i guess, u'll never learn if u never fall. life just works in mysterious ways!

every step we take, while heading to the future, just keeps getting tougher by the second. i guess it just makes us treasure the good times and learn from the bad times. but honestly, im exhausted of moving forward, seeing those mountains and rivers that i need to cross, i just feel like resting my feet and let this moment i have now to sink in. but yet i cant ask for more. i'll miss the ppl i was staying with, although there were many arguments and disagreements, it wouldnt be normal to not have housemate problems right? haha.. we had our crazy fun times, and sharing emotional problem at times lol. it felt like home.

where do we go from here? seriously afraid of the future, what's God gonna throw at me, where do i start after i graduate, what m i suppose to look at, to expect, to react. sigh.. so reluctant to finish my degree and open a new chapter which is the working life! lol but yes, i Will graduate for sure! just worried thats all.

on another note, i wish, i never lost you, my friend. but if that's for the best, if thats what u think, then i guess there's no point of me holding on. i guess i just don't know you at all from the start, coz i thought, you were someone that would accept me for who i am, bad or good. i thought, you wouldnt give up on me coz of what ever ur reasons were. i thought, the past, what we've been through, was enough to let u know how much u meant to me. i thought, u understood me. i thought, u were the one who told me to mind my own business to not create any more dramas for myself, coz all the dramas were caused by me myself and i. i thought, u were the one who taught me to be selfish for once, and care for myself more. i thought, u wanted me to listen to those words u told me. but i guess, i thought wrong. one things for sure, i think its such a waste for us to end like this.