a new year and a new chapter

A friend once said to me, "lose yourself to find yourself"; go to a place that you've never been and just follow your instinct and you'll find yourself. It's probably just a figure of speech, or well I'll take it as one cause I'm not that adventurous. Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking, and also a thought that my friend got me thinking; why are we here? This question to me, relates to the industry that I'm currently in. What made me decide to come here? So, i backtracked, and finally found out that I probably came to this decision to runaway. I needed to get away from my comfort zone, I wanted to get away from my responsibility, I needed to runaway from the past that haunts me. With that, I needed a vacation, a long vacation; hence, here I am. Then again, you can't hide from these things for long. It'll only be put aside for a short period. Not too long after I left, I begin to miss my comfort zone; life became so unstable, even more unpredictable and planning for time became almost impossible. My time, my family, and my friends have to follow the schedule of my company. things you need to sacrifice became uncountable.

As time passes, as we grow older, our responsibilities piles up without us knowing. You begin to realise that there lots to think and to plan and you feel lost; don't know where to start, and you start to panic, trying to catch up with time. One by one, you start to grab hold of it and solve it. And then after awhile, you stop to rest, and in that time, you start thinking is this what you actually wanted? Seriously, I lose myself in my own thoughts a lot, countless times and it isn't funny. At the end of the day, I told myself, it doesn't really matter. If it didn't matter to me, I wouldn't even put a thought to it wouldn't I? I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be, and that I should really stop confusing myself. Taking baby steps, clearing my obstacles one by one, and not mixing all of them together 'cause it's not only gonna make things worst, I wouldn't be going anywhere; it's like making my own quicksand under my feet, soon to drown in it. I came to where I am now for the right reasons, and I have to say, I've achieved and/or about to achieve what I wanted and the reason for me being here. But I've also given up on things that I had to in order to get it. That's probably why I'm here thinking was it worth it. Humans, we're always never satisfied and it's really upsetting how we are.

I met the person that hurt me in the past, a few times actually. Again, you can never hide forever. And I realised I've moved on. I've realised that it was the right thing to do, not the part that I left, but actually, the part where I stayed on and continued believing in you. 'Cause, if I didn't, I wouldn't learn, and I wouldn't have the urge to change. After we met, I left with a smile, because I realise it was meant to be. And now, I can finally move on without a doubt.

A new beginning, again. It's a new year! I have a few things planned. Let's just hope I'll go through with it.